Today’s the particular anniversary of her death I’ve been dreading. The seven-year mark. The point in which I have mourned her for as long as I actually knew her.

Seven years. That’s how long my little Leia was in my lap or at my feet. Seven years. That’s how long my little Leia has been absent, beyond the rainbow bridge.

So tomorrow, and every day thereafter, I will have mourned her longer than I had her to hold and love and be my dog.

I knew this would happen, of course. My expected lifespan puts so many years between her death and mine. Several of her lifetimes, even if she had managed to live all those years that were robbed from her. It’s a long time to hold onto the hope that some day, some how, some way… we will be together again.

Even if that’s just her ashes mixed with mine.

I would like to say that time has helped heal this wound but it has not. I function these days, but I still grieve. Usually alone and in quiet, but I still grieve.

I love her still. I may have a hard time remembering her face (it’s mostly just remembering pictures of her), but there remain many echos of her mark on me.

I love you Leia. I am so, so, very sorry. I failed you and you deserve so much more.