For those of you who live, or have lived, in the Reno/Sparks area… Caughlin Ranch Barbie:
This princess Barbie is only sold at Macy’s or Nordy’s in “The City”. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Mercedes SUV, a long-haired forgein dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without a tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the “augmented” version.
Del Monte Ranch Barbie:
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with a Ford Windstar minivan and a matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold seperately.
Sun Valley Barbie:
This recently paroled former “porn actress” Barbie come with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a methlab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for with cash. Preferably in small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.
Wingfield Springs Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertable or Volvo wagon. Included are a Starbucks travel cup, credit cards, French pedicure and exclusive gym membership. Also available for this set are Real Estate Magnate Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.
Fernley Barbie:
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweetey Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pick-up truck seperately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Incline Village Barbie:
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print bikini, Jimmy Choo slides and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at her custom, 12,000 square foot house. Shallow Ken can be found in the cabana making out with Jail Bait Skipper. Percocet perscription recommended.
North Tahoe Barbie:
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her “Willow”. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two North Tahoe Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker free.
Wells Ave/Neil Road Barbie:
This Barbie now comes with a stoller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and a bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his ’79 Caddy were available but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant and stoller.
Spanish Springs Barbie:
With frosted blonde hair and a French manicure, she thinks she’s perfect in every way. We don’t know who Ken is because he’s always away riding his ATV’s or hunting.
San Francisco Barbie/Ken:
This versatil doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple “snap-on” parts.
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